Scott Hahn Facts

Paul | September 16, 2008

After the last post, I did a quick Google search and it seems the Scott Hahn facts aren’t showing up. So here they are, authored by his own daughter on her Facebook profile (so you know they are true!) In the spirit of Chuck Norris Facts, here they are:

  • Helen Keller’s favorite noise is Scott Hahn.
  • Scott Hahn ruins the ending of the Gospel of Matt for teenagers, just to
    seem them cry with joy. When this doesn’t work, Scott Hahn says “I’ll give
    you something to cry about” and shows them Matt 5:28.
  • If you can see Scott Hahn, he can see you.
  • If you can’t see Scott hahn you may be only seconds away from a Catechismic
    kick to the face.
  • While he was on a mission trip to South America, Scott Hahn converted the
    entire country of Russia over to the Immaculate Heart of Mary by yelling
    “Rosary!”
  • Scott Hahn can say “transubstantiation!” faster than you can say “bang!”
  • There is no such thing as overpopulation, just Scott Hahn’s children.
  • There is no shortage of priests, just a waiting period until Scott Hahn’s
    sons grow up.
  • Scott Hahn does not sleep. He prays.
  • Scott Hahn’s tears cure heresy.
  • Scott Hahn does not evangelize because the word “evangelize” implied the
    probability of failure. He converts.
  • When Satan goes to sleep every night he checks the closet for Scott Hahn.
  • Scott Hahn does not read the Bible. He just stares it down until he gets the
    information he needs to argue against non-Catholics.
  • Scott Hahn can write in tongues.
  • The quickest way to a man’s heart is a Scott Hahn Catechismic kick to the
    face.
  • Everybody knows that “please” is the magic word. As in “please don’t discuss
    religion in public.” Too bad magic is against the first commandment.
  • Scott Hahn can multiply an integer by “i” and get a real number.
  • Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Scott Hahn is going to
    convert you.
  • Scott Hahn IS the spirit of Vatican II
  • Scott Hahn does not use NFP. His wife is fertile 100% of the time.
  • The chief export of Mrs. Hahn is miniature Catholics.
  • Instead of filing a tax return, Scott Hahn sends the IRS a picture of his
    children as proof that he qualifies for the corresponding tax deductions.
    Scott Hahn has not had to pay taxes ever.
  • There is no such thing as overpopulation. The folks at the census bureau
    failed to take into account the percentage of Scott Hahn’s children that
    will be celibate.
  • The only reason Chuck Norris has never lost a fight is because Scott Hahn
    has the common courtesy to keep his Chuck’s winning streak in tact. If Chuck
    Norris was pro-choice, his winning percentage would be less that 35%.
  • Only Scott Hahn can prevent forest fires.
  • Scott Hahn is currently suing U2, claiming that “love” and “peace” are
    trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  • The leading causes of death are: 1) Heart disease, 2) Scott Hahn destroying
    heresy, 3) Chuck Norris
  • Scott Hahn drives and ice cream truck covered with Rosaries.
  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of species that Scott Hahn’s
    children are not allowed to eat.
  • Like any responsible Catholic, Mr. and Mrs. Hahn like to space out their
    pregnancies. Their children are usually born about 3 to 4 weeks apart.
  • Rock beats scissors, paper beats rock, scissors beats paper, Scott Hahn pwns
    them all.
  • Scott Hahn is the only hand that can beat a 21 in blackjack.
  • When a pawn reached the last row in chess, it turns into Scott Hahn.

    • Categories
    Catholic
    Tags
    ,
    Comments rss
    Comments rss
    Trackback
    Trackback

    « Chuck Norris Endorses Palin; More Facts Surface Colbert Guide for Catholics - A Guide to a Satirical Apostle »

    2 responses

    R.A.G.E. Media » Scott Hahn Facts... In the spirit of

    PickAFig.com | September 16, 2008

    R.A.G.E. Media » Scott Hahn Facts…

    In the spirit of “Chuck Norris Facts” written by one of the Hahn children….

    [...] the lighter side, R.A.G.E. Media has a list of

    Roman Catholic by Choice » Blog Archive » Scott Hahn Facts | September 16, 2008

    [...] the lighter side, R.A.G.E. Media has a list of Scott Hahn facts, inspired by all the great Chuck Norris facts you can find out there on teh interwebs.  A [...]

    Leave a comment

    You can use these tags : <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>